This year the Society made its first visit to South Wales. The Ryder Cup may well be coming to Wales in 2010 but, true to form, BUNGS got there first! Wales – the land of rugby football, funny road signs, wet weather, the odd mountain and Charlotte Church; but now having been ‘invaded’ by some of the finest golfers from the Midlands area for the annual match play challenge between the Captain’s team, led this year by Society Captain Bobby Ho and the Challengers team led by Neil Smith. A record 34 players took part on this year’s Tour.

The two teams in full were :

Saturday 27th June 2009

This year, the Society faced the prospect of 3 days of pure matchplay golf played over 3 very different courses each providing their own individual challenge. At least half of those taking part were involved in a warm up game at nearby Pennard Golf Club on Saturday, but they found conditions tough with searing temperatures, hard, fast-running fairways, blind shots and numerous lost balls so not the ideal preparation and the mood of those arriving at the hotel later on wasn’t helped by the fact that the car park was full, courtesy of a RNLI dinner dance taking place at the hotel that night. The Stradey Park certainly proved to be an excellent base and one of the best hotels the Society has stayed at, but clearly its popularity isn’t confined to visiting golf societies and the place was ‘rocking’ on Saturday night.

Any frustrations felt by those who had been forced to park their car in a local street for the night were soon swept away, (or should I say heightened), by the particularly well-endowed receptionist; indeed, a quick glance round the hotel at members of the opposite sex on view told us that Wales might also be notorious for the country with the biggest bra sizes per head of population!

Those who had played earlier in the day decided to go into the town of Llanelli to see the ‘high’ spots and get something to eat. John Mansell and Graham Bilsland however, had a different form of hunger to satisfy and the Society’s regular ‘totty’ chasers had already sought advice from one of the hotel’s bar staff as to where they should aim for, (they’d apparently been given a choice of either ‘trash’ or something ‘more up market’). With the rest of the BUNGS members deciding to walk the 10 minutes or so into town, John and Graham, no doubt in an attempt to save their energy just on the off chance, chose to get a taxi instead.

It was later said that visiting the centre of Llanelli was like travelling back to the 1980’s and some of the sights in the local bars had to be seen to be believed so, if Mansell and Bilsland were ever going to ‘pull’ it was surely in Llanelli on a Saturday night! For eats it was decided to try the aptly named ‘Opium Den’ which offered a reasonable Chinese buffet for £10. Paul Herrmann, upset at the fact that no ‘english’ food was available, (it was a ‘Chinese’ restaurant Paul!), persuaded the staff to cook him an omelette instead and then disappeared into the night before they had chance to bring his order to him.

Back at the hotel later, members’ heads were turned by the arrival of failed Eurovision entry, ‘Scooch’ particularly the 2 female members of the band who were wearing tight lycra dresses which certainly ‘raised’ more than a few eyebrows – and the odd blood pressure!

The two teams ready for action on the first tee at Machynys Peninsula

Players watching in anticipation of a good opening shot to the match.......

....... hope's weren't high when it was Graeme Black to start proceedings

Tim and Ian find something funny (surely not Graeme's opening drive)

Grubby and Valey share  a 'special moment'

Sunday 28th June 2009 - morning
Machynys Peninsula Golf Club
1 x singles match (over 12 holes)
8 x greensomes matches (over 12 holes)

The first day of competition, the weather conditions just about ideal and the course only a short 5 minute drive from the hotel. Machynys is a Jack Nicklaus designed course with a ‘links’ feel to it, although there are no less than 25 acres of new lakes added and the course is already getting a reputation as one of the UK’s best new courses having already staged a Ladies European Tour event.

Paul Herrmann had already given his Captain, Neil Smith kittens by announcing some of the Challengers Team pairings for the afternoon session to opposing Captain Bobby Ho in the car park on arrival. Members who were looking to hone their short game skills on the chipping area before teeing off were forced to dodge the nearby sprinklers turned on no doubt by a sadistic greenkeeper. The Club had kindly provided a Starter to see us off on the 1^st tee but he hardly instilled confidence by exclaiming proudly, in his best Welsh accent, “Don’t worry lads, water only comes into play on 14 of the holes”.

In the opening match Paul Herrmann, was seeking his first Tour victory for 3 years and was playing Graeme Black. Graeme struck the opening tee shot and set the tone for his Tour by sending his drive 250 yards – but way left into the ‘hay’. Not sure how many balls Graeme took with him to South Wales but he must have got through a couple of dozen at least, and the ‘Herrminator’ started with a rare win.

The Captain’s side had a good morning session with consistent play from most of their pairings typified with James Shipman and Paul Weston’s win against Society secretary Steve Lloyd and Challengers’ Captain Neil Smith with James and Paul combining well for a deserved point.

Captain’s team 5.5           Challenger’s Blue team 3.5

Lunch was interesting, to say the least. All players had been instructed to choose a lunchtime meal selection before going out to play but, on entering the Clubhouse it became apparent that no such system existed and we all had to place our orders separately in a queue. This would have been fine if we had finished for the day but we were all on a pretty tight schedule in order to meet our afternoon tee times and for a long time, there was no sign of any food being served.

Some had been waiting for over half an hour when Gordon Sullivan breezed in, saw a waitress carrying a huge plate and pronounced, “fish and chips, that looks nice, I’ll have that” and promptly began to tuck in. With 6 or 7 others still waiting for fish and chips to be served, a waiter then appeared carrying a plate of gammon to which Gordon, just mopping up his plate, sheepishly admitted, “mind you, I did order the gammon”. The situation was so farcical that Paul Weston sat down to be informed that he was first out in the afternoon which meant he had to go without his lunch, (Shaun Mullaney was reported to have indulged himself at Paul’s expense).

It was fascinating watching Howard Holliday who, clearly put in charge of things had no real idea how to solve the issue of rapidly advancing afternoon tee times set against a lack of lunches being served in time. His face was a picture of anxiety, so it is to be hoped that Howard is far more decisive, and shows far more leadership and control in his day to day job!

Sunday 28th June 2009 - afternoon
Machynys Peninsula Golf Club
1 x singles match (over 18 holes)
8 x fourball-betterball matches (over 18 holes)

There was no escape for Neil Smith, beaten in the morning when up against Paul Weston, and despite having to miss out on lunch, Paul capitalised on a few missed putts from Neil, playing steady golf for his second win of the day.

The Challengers had a much better afternoon - Steve Lloyd and Adrian Marchant in the 4^th match out showing the way with a closely fought win against Jeff Thacker and Adam Thompson. It was nip and tuck all the way with the Captain’s side 1 up with 4 to play but after hacking his way to the back of the 15^th green in three, Marcho then holed a 30 footer from just off the green to make it all square and when the Challengers went 1up at the next they deservedly held on for a narrow victory, much to Thommo’s dismay.

There was a moment of light relief in the 2^nd match when Paul Herrmann’s topped tee shot at the 10^th bounced 3 times ‘dambuster’ style across the water and onto dry land. Oh, and whoever came up with the idea of having the longest drive competition on the 18^th? With the rain falling steadily for the late starters and a carry of some 180 yards over water, into the teeth of a strengthening wind there should really have been a prize for simply finding the fairway!

Captain’s team 9.5           Challenger’s team 8.5

Monday 29th June 2009 - morning
Ashburnham Golf Club
1 x singles match (over 18 holes)
8 x foursomes matches (over 18 holes)

Another hot and breezy day to greet us and only a short drive again to the course which, on arrival, appeared to be in excellent condition. Ashburnham is one of the classic Welsh links courses and several important championships have been held there over the years, including the Schweppes and Martini tournaments during the late 60s/early 70s. On the downside, the course looked tough with the promise of lost balls, out of bounds lurking, knee high rough and plenty of ‘cabbage’

Tim Thacker was first match out but, from what we hear, after consuming at least half a bottle of port following dinner the previous night, he was fortunate to make it to the 1^st tee on time having been confined to the toilet for some time first thing in the morning, where he could be heard, in between much groaning, “You ba*tards, You ba*stards”. Well, you know the old saying about beware the ‘injured’ golfer – Tim, having made a sudden recovery, went on to trounce Ian 5 and 4 to get the Challengers’ day off to a great start.

James and Paul teamed up again, this time in foursomes but they didn’t gel together as well as yesterday and Barry and Neil played solidly, eventually going ‘dormie’ with 4 to play but after a temporary wobble they held their nerve to win on the 17^th.

Paul Herrmann couldn’t repeat his opening day success and after shanking a 6 iron into the grassy bank in front of the green at the 18^th he stood with his hands on his hips trying to explain to playing partner Simon Hayward why he had chosen a 6 iron in the first place for a shot of no more than 130 yards – at least it kept opponents Adam and Howard amused and in a good frame of mind for lunch.

Upon hearing that he would be partnering Gordon Galloway and playing against Jamie Moore and Graeme Black, Steve Lloyd was so delighted he was heard to say, “Excellent – a win and entertainment at the same time!” He wasn’t as cocky early on in the match though, with Jamie holing one or two crucial putts. At the same time Graeme was doing his best to lose their golf ball but, seemingly inspired by Bill ‘Bellamy’ Hancock, Jamie kept plunging into the deep undergrowth to find their ball. At one point, Jamie was so far to the right, he had the chance to have a chat with some lady members playing the adjacent hole. He then asked Steve’s permission to ‘knock one out’. Was the sight of some females in tight shorts too much for Jamie, or did he just want to chip back to the fairway? In the end, even Jamie couldn’t keep performing miracles after Graeme’s tee shots and it was a comfortable victory for the Challengers in the end.

Captain’s team 14           Challenger’s team 13

Lunch was a lot more organised than yesterday’s fiasco at Machynys, but those in the later groups found that there was no food left by the time they were able to sit down, apart from a few crumbs and one or two half eaten sausage rolls.

Monday 29th June 2009 - afternoon
Ashburnham Golf Club
1 x singles match (over 18 holes)
8 x fourball-betterball matches (over 18 holes)

In the first match out, Tour ‘virgin’ Stewart Fairweather found top form to beat the Challengers’ Vice Captain who commented afterwards that his opponent had, “played out of his skin – bandit”.

In the 5^th match Graeme Black, partnered by Paul Weston suddenly found his driving form highlighted by an absolute ‘ripper’ straight down the middle of the 12^th. Steve Lloyd’s sarcastic comment that a ‘draw’ would have been better on this hole came back to haunt him when he stepped up to the tee and his drive ended way right in the rough. “Steve, I think you need to learn to draw the ball for holes like this” commented Paul. The match was all but over at the 14^th which the Captain’s side won to go 3up courtesy of a SEVEN from Paul !

In the following match Bill Hancock partnered Graham Bilsland against the strong looking pairing of Adrian Marchant and Craig Vale but, according to Bill, Adrian was not at his ‘sparkling’ best and when he pushed his tee shot well wide of the green at the downhill short 16^th there was much cursing and thrashing from Marcho until it was pointed out by his opponents that his tee shot wasn’t nearly as bad as some he had hit earlier on in the round. This desperate attempt to cheer Marcho up worked and the mood definitely lightened even though the match was well and truly over by that time.

In the penultimate match, Darren Weston partnered Martyn Dodwell after finding out at lunchtime just before going out that he had been made redundant. However, it goes to show that when you go out onto a golf course you can forget all your troubles and, true to form, it was Darren’s ‘lag’ putt at the 17^th which was good enough to seal victory for the Captain’s side.

The only pairing to let the Captain’s side down, and prevent a ‘whitewash’ was the last group out, with Alan Tolley and Jeff Thacker unable to take advantage of their excellent start; too many mistakes allowing Tom Harris and Mike Fox, playing steady golf, to grab a much needed point for their side.

Captain’s team 22           Challenger’s team 14

Following Stewart Fairweather’s fine win over Paul Herrmann he nearly got lost on the way back to the hotel despite having a SatNav for help and Graham Bilsland as his passenger. Most of us turned left as we exited the golf club so we knew something was up when Stewart turned right but little did we know that on the way back to the hotel Graham and Stewart would see parts of South Wales which had remained undiscovered since time immemorial – Graham in particular couldn’t get over the stretch of ‘lane’ just wide enough for a bubble car and covered in cow pats, Hey, some folks simply like to take the ‘scenic’ route I guess!

Prior to dinner, as the drinks began to flow more freely in the bar the large TV screen was showing the Wimbledon tennis semi final with Andy Murray aiming for a place in the final. Fellow Scot, Gordon Galloway got so carried away in support of his countryman that he dropped his trousers, exposed his arse and began shouting, “Andy Murray” at the top of his voice. Trouble is, every time we see Gordon now that image of his bare, white arse just won’t go away – especially that cute freckle on his right cheek !

There was no raffle at dinner time and, as far as we are aware, no bottles of port were consumed by any members of the Challengers’ Team. Given the overall match score at the end of the second day, that was probably a good thing as Neil Smith’s side were going to need all the help they could get if they were going to pull back an 8 point deficit with just 18 singles matches to come.

Bill Hancock asked that we consider a change to the team format for future Tours – perhaps having ‘set’ teams, eg, Barton residents v the rest, or maybe over 40s v under 40s. There was a vote over dinner but the majority view was that we should leave things exactly as they are. A case of if it ain’t broke – don’t fix it, but credit to Bill for at least raising the issue.

During last year’s Tour an inebriated Alan Tolley, the Society’s resident Germanophile, lost £25 by betting Darren Weston and Adrian Marchant that Germany would beat Spain in the final of Euro 2008. This year, over dinner Alan had a chance to get his revenge as England were playing Germany in the final of the European under 21 tournament. Germany’s 4-0 win meant Darren having to fork out £5 – and this on a day when he had just been made redundant. Herr Tolley – pay that money back now!!!

Finally, in the hotel bar later on someone remarked that Graeme Black looked ‘tired’. “He’s not tired”, replied Steve Lloyd, “He’s just in a state of shock after getting a par this afternoon”.

Tuesday 30th June 2009
Pyle & Kenfig Golf Club
17 x singles matches (over 18 holes)

The course proved hard to find for some and it was even harder to find a parking spot as the Club’s own car park was already full. Like Ashburnham, P and K, as it is affectionately known, has hosted many national and professional tournaments. With high dunes and deep, challenging valleys it proved to be a tough test. Its designer described it as a golfers paradise but the club clearly doesn’t put the welfare of visiting societies at the top of its list. Despite having booked specific tee times over a year in advance the Club informed us that the members were insisting we play from the 10^th tee and that they would still have priority when coming off the 9^th green. After much argument and debate in the pro shop the club eventually relented and asked their members not to try and cut in. While all this was going on, Steve Lloyd was reminded of a particularly apt signpost he’d seen while driving through the local village.

As everyone gathered around the 1^st tee waiting for the ‘off’ someone remarked, in a casual conversation, on the ratio of sheep to humans in Scotland. The response came back along the lines of, “that’s so that you don’t have to have an ugly one”, to which Bill Hancock replied “yes, older sheep are ugly – but young lambs are so attractive”, whereupon Bill suddenly realised the implications of what he had just said and was advised to stop digging the hole he’s already got himself into!

In the 4^th match out Darren Weston was 5up with 5 to play against Barry Whitmore but as Darren’s driving went awol and he resorted to using a 7 iron off the tee, ‘Baz’ played some great golf over the closing holes winning 3 in a row to take the match down the last with Darren still 1up, but it fell apart for Baz and he ended up hacking around in the right hand rough before hitting his 3^rd shot way left never to be seen again and Darren’s arse could finally stop twitching !

In the following match Steve Lloyd was out for revenge having already lost twice so far against Paul and he made a blistering start with birdies at the first 2 holes to put him in command, but Paul levelled the match with 2 pars and the match was fairly even until the 13^th when Steve ‘stiffed’ his bunker shot and Paul failed to get up and down from just off the green putting Steve 2up and he went on to seal victory at the 15^th.

Alan Tolley took an early lead against Gordon Galloway in the following match but steady play from the ‘freckled’ Scot and some sloppy play from Alan saw Gordon go ‘dormie’ with 4 to play but Alan promptly won the 15^th and then sent a superb drive straight down the middle of the 16^th to put the pressure on. Sure enough, Gordon then pulled his drive into the hay and had to re-load, playing 3 off the tee. Alan made a complete mess of his second shot however, and still hadn’t reached the green having played 4 while Gordon’s 4^th ended up just to the right of the green. He then proceeded to chip in from 30 yards, scoring a 5 with his second ball, to close out the match and a deserved victory.

In the match alongside, Graeme Black and Mike Fox spent much of their time looking for lost balls (most of them, Graeme’s it has to be said) and the match ended on the 16^th with yet another wayward drive from Graeme which ended way out in the jungle on the left and Foxy had another win under his belt. Amazingly, not one hole in this match was halved.

Jamie Moore had to head back to Reading a day early to carry out his child sitting duties at home so former Society Captain Andy Smith, who had recently taken up residence in the Principality of Wales, took his place in the singles and didn’t let Bobby down by beating Craig Vale.

The last group of Adam Thompson, Paul Herrmann, James Shipman & Tom Harris took 90 minutes to complete the first 3 holes thanks to the group in front being so slow, but were eventually called though. Paul later admitted that the scenery was nice though. Whether Tim Thacker, who was now in the final group, appreciated the scenery is another matter. Due to the ‘faffing around’ of his playing partners, at one stage Tim didn’t hit a shot for 40 minutes. With the rest of the society already tucking-into their post match meals, the final group finally arrived at the 18^th green nearly an hour after the group in front had finished, taking 5 and a half hours for their round – the slowest 18 holes of golf in BUNGS history.

Captain’s team 32           Challenger’s team 21

The final score was a pretty emphatic one even though things had begun fairly even at the end of the first day.

Overall, the Tour was a highly successful one, the first time the society had visited South Wales, we played 3 great courses and the weather did not let us down. The Stradey Park Hotel was an excellent choice and provided us with some great food, a good choice of beers – and the odd bottle of port, of course!

Special thanks must go to Steve Lloyd for putting the whole trip together and also to everyone who took part for some good and bad golf throughout the 3 days but, more importantly, for providing some great moments and generally having great fun at everyone else’s expense.

Captain’s quote :
“I’ve got to say that I am tremendously proud of my boys helping me to win the Tour Cup back to back. First day I felt a bit edgy when it was kinda neck and neck. But what a second day result. You all have shown so much resilience and fighting spirit, and winning overall on last day’s play just proving our team is a class above! Gallant effort Neil, but unfortunately you’ve been rolled over by a tidal wave. I also want to say a very big thank you to everyone on tour who raised over £350 for Rainbows Hospice. Very generous indeed!” Captain Bob

Challengers’ quote :
“A great weekend enjoyed by all. Thanks to Steve for organising the trip and to Bobby for choosing me as his challenger. I was hoping for a close run match, and it was up until Monday lunchtime when the wheels fell off. Who’d have thought we’d lose 8 out of the 9 matches that afternoon ? Perhaps Bobby had slipped something into my team’s sandwiches! Well done to Bobby and his team for the thrashing they gave us”. Neil Smith

This report was put together by Alan Tolley with the assistance of contributions from Bobby Ho, Neil Smith, Adam Thompson, Steve Lloyd, Tom Harris, Paul Herrmann, Darren Weston, Paul Weston and Bill Hancock.